He was growing into middle age...
...and was living then in a bungalow on Woodland Avenue.
He installed himself in a rocking chair...
...and smoked a cigar down in the evenings...
...as his wife wiped her pink hands on an apron...
...and reported happily on their two children.
His children knew his legs...
...the sting of his mustache against their cheeks.
They didn't know how their father made his living or why they so often moved.
They didn't even know their father's name.
He was listed in the city directory as Thomas Howard.
And he went everywhere unrecognized...
...and lunched with Kansas City shopkeepers and merchants...
...calling himself a cattleman or a commodities investor...
...someone rich and leisured who had the common touch.
He had two incompletely healed bullet holes in his chest...
...and another in his thigh.
He was missing the nub of his left middle finger...
...and was cautious, lest that mutilation be seen.
He also had a condition that was referred to as "granulated eyelids"...
...and it caused him to blink more than usual...
...as if he found creation slightly more than he could accept.
Rooms seemed hotter when he was in them.
Rains fell straighter.
Clocks slowed.
Sounds were amplified.
He considered himself a Southern loyalist and guerrilla...
...in a Civil War that never ended.
He regretted neither his robberies, nor the 17 murders that he laid claim to.
He had seen another summer under in Kansas City, Missouri...
...and on September 5th in the year 1881...
...he was 34 years old.
You just... You just slide them things right in there, right in your sleeve...
...and then, when you get ready, you just shake it out.
Like that, right there. You shake it out.
Mary Todd Lincoln, tyrant's wife, fall into hysterics when the moon was full.
President's men would tie her up with hay-baling wire...
...keep her from ripping her husband's ears off.
You never heard word one about the wife of the Confederacy's Jefferson Davis, did you?
- I didn't. - No, you didn't.
He did his duty by her.
- Oh, my God, I'm speaking to children. - No, I get it, I get it, I get it.
The president of the Confederacy discerned his wife's needs and satisfied them...
...with the utmost skill and the utmost courtesy.
- Charley, you spit all over my boot. - Sorry. Sorry, sorry, Jesse.
- Here, get it off. - I'll wipe it... I'll wipe it off.
But Abraham Lincoln probably sent his wife on a shopping expedition.
- A three-act play. - With money stole from us.
Chow!
I think insanity run on both sides of that Lincoln family.
You're right about that.
The river... You jump in the river.
- Chow! - Don't be shy now, Dick.
- One more piece of meat. - When you diddle a lot...
There's a good piece of bacon fat in there for him.
Excuse me.
I see I've traipsed right on in and interrupted you.
Who are you, then?
Bob Ford.
Charley's brother?
Yeah.
I was lying when I said I just happened down here.
I've been looking for you. I feel lousy I didn't say so at the outset.
Folks take me for a nincompoop...
...on account of the shabby first impression I make, whereas I think of myself...
...as being just a rung down from the James brothers.
I was hoping if I ran into you aside from those peckerwoods...
...I could show you how special I am.
I honestly believe I'm destined for great things, Mr. James.
I got qualities that don't come shining through right at the outset.
You give me a chance, I'll get the job done. I guarantee you that.
Hey, Dick, is it true you diddled a squaw?
Come on, you can tell me. I've always wanted to lay down with a redskin.
Well, Charley...
...there's a feeling that comes over you...
...getting inside a woman whose hands has scalped a congregation.
There's this thunderous sound that comes from their cooch...
...on account of the fact that they birth a child standing upright...
...like a wild animal. - What's it sound like?
Whatever a thunderous cooch sounds like there, Charley. I don't know.
No.
They got a noisy quim on account of the fact that...
...they use their cunnis as a saddlebag to carry sundries across the plains.
Come on, what'd it really feel like? Did it feel good?
Come on, fess up, now.
I like you, Charley.
I like you too, Charley.
Well...
You're not so special, Mr. Ford.
You're just like any other tyro who's prinked himself up for an escapade.
Hoping to be a gunslinger like them nickel books are about.
You may as well quench your mind of it...
...because you don't have the ingredients, son.
Well, I'm sorry to hear you feel that way...
...as I put such stock in your opinions.
As for me being a gunslinger, I've just got this one granddaddy Paterson Colt...
...and a borrowed belt to stick it in.
But I also got an appetite for greater things.
I hoped by joining up with you, it'd put me that much closer to getting them.
Well, what am I supposed to say to that?
Let me be your sidekick tonight.
Sidekick?
So you can examine my grit and intelligence.
I don't know what it is about you...
...but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.
Now, I don't believe I want you anywhere within earshot this evening, okay?
You understand?
- Well, I'm sorry... - Why don't you just get now? Scat.
All right.
I was with a girl once, wasn't a squaw.
But she was pretty.
She had yellow hair like a...
Oh, like something.
Like hair bobbed from a ray of sunlight?
Yeah. Yeah, like that.
Boy, you... You talk good.
You can hide things in vocabulary.
Maybe you and me could write her a note, send it by post?
See, all you gotta do, Ed...
...is predict her needs and beat her to the punch.
Well, this girl, she has a real specific job.
- Specific? - We was only together once.
She...
She was afraid of lightning, and she came up under the wagon and...
...just cuddled right up to me.
She give me a kind price too.
Well, I'll be. That is specific.
Yeah, sure, she'd been with other people...
...but the kind of things she said to me...
...people just don't say unless they really mean it.
My love said she would marry only me
And Jove himself could not make her care.
For what women say to lovers, you'll agree
One writes on running water or on air.
My God, that's good. Let's write her that.
No.
Poetry don't work on whores.
How do you do?
Am I too late to wish you a happy birthday?
How'd you know?
You'd be surprised at what I got stored away.
I'm an authority on the James boys.
Is you?
Well... Well, your brother Frank and I, we just had a real nice visit.
Just chit-chatting about this and that, right over there.
And must've been a hundred subjects entertained...
Good Lord, you know what this stew needs?
Dumplings?
Noodles.
You eat yourself some noodle stew and your clock'll tick all night.
You ever see that woman up in Fayette? Suck noodles up her nose.
- In Fayette? - I don't believe I have.
You never heard of her, huh?
You got canals up there you never dreamed of.
I don't like to harp on a subject...
I don't care who comes with me. Never have.
That's why they call me gregarious.
I hear you and young Stovepipe here had a real nice visit.
Your boys have got about a acre of lumber to haul, dingus.
You better goose them down yonder.
The James Gang committed over 25 bank, train and stagecoach robberies...
...from 1867 to 1881.
But except for Frank and Jesse James...
...all the original members were now either dead or in prison.
- mine eye All my soul and all my every part
And for this sin, there is no remedy
It is so grounded inward in my heart.
So for their last robbery at Blue Cut...
...the brothers recruited a gang of petty thieves and country rubes...
...culled from the local hillsides.
Right on schedule, Buck!
Snuff those lanterns!
Look at those fools. They're gonna trip and shoot each other into females.
I bet you I could find them husbands if they do.
Fan out!
Hold your fire!
- Watch him! - Going down.
Hold your fire, you idiots!
Hold your fire!
Let me in.
Buck! Boys!
Buck, this way!
Do you think that lock will hold?
No, I don't.
Let's go, let's go.
Let's not get clever, nor courageous, any of you.
Hey there, boys! These are all for me?
Looks like Christmas morning in here.
Hey, friend.
You mind if I have a peek around?
This shit. Nope.
Nope.
You got anything good here?
It could be.
Open that safe.
Do it!
- You didn't have to bop him. - Yeah, he did. They needed convincing.
They got their company rules, I got my mean streak...
...and that's how we get things done around here.
- Get on over here and attend to this thing. - Come on, go.
Hold your fire, you idiots!
Dig deeper.
- Come on! - Give me your money.
- And you, stand up. - Let's see your hands.
What have you got?
Speak English.
Money. Money. You understand that?
Give me your money!
There's some receipts.
I got fives.
Jesse. Jesse.
Don't look good.
There ain't no 100,000 dollars in here, Dick.
Get down on your knees.
Why?
Well, you ought to pray.
I'm gonna kill you.
Get at!
You're gonna have to make me.
All right.
Don't shoot him! No, don't shoot him.
Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, Ed.
Round them up!
Chicago newspaper publishers made a great deal of the Blue Cut train robbery...
...alleging that in no state but Missouri...
...would the James brothers be tolerated for 12 years.
Hey.
Can you keep a secret?
It depends on what you're concealing.
You afraid of the dark?
No.
You superstitious?
I put... I put an acorn in the window to keep the lightning out.
Kid, you must've crept up on cat's paws.
I'll wager that's the first and last time you'll ever be caught off-guard.
How old are you?
Twenty.
Except, well, I guess I won't really be 20 till...
Till January, so...
I'm 19.
Yeah, you feel older than that, though, don't you?
Yeah, I do.
Hey, Frank, you... You think the sheriff's out already?
- More than likely. - Yeah.
I had a real fine time tonight.
- You think so? - Yup. Yeah.
Hey, I wasn't just flapping my lips about my kid brother and me.
What I figured was if you and Jesse could gauge our courage and our daring...
...you might just make us your regular sidekicks.
Your courage and your daring.
I about heard all I want to about sidekicks. You sound like your damn brother.
Yeah. Well, I'll be square with you, it's Bob who put me up to it. He's...
He's got plans for the James boys I can't even get the hang of.
- They're that complicated. - Yeah?
Well, you can just get shed of that idea.
Because after tonight, there'll be no more shenanigans.
You can jot that down in your little diary.
September 7th, 1881, the James Gang robbed one last train at Blue Cut...
...and gave up their nightriding for good.
Wait.
Well, how are you gonna make your living?
Maybe I'll sell shoes.
I can't believe I woke up this morning...
...wondering if my daddy would loan me his overcoat...
...and here it is just past midnight...
...I've already robbed a railroad train and I'm sitting in a rocking chair...
...chatting with none other than Jesse James.
Yeah, it's a wonderful world.
What's this?
Oh, yeah.
I was real agitated this morning, so I was wondering if I would know you or Frank...
...tell you all apart, and so I had this clipping that described you both.
Want me to read it?
Go on.
Well... I gotta find it. Hold on.
Here. Here.
"Jesse James, the youngest, has a face as smooth and innocent as a schoolgirl.
The blue eyes, very clear and penetrating, are never at rest.
His form is tall and graceful and capable of great endurance...
...and great effort.
Jesse is lighthearted, reckless, and devil-may-care.
- There's always a smile on his lips..." - All right, all right, all right.
Well, yeah, then it just... Frank, Frank, Frank. That's nothing. And then...
You know what I got right next to my bed?
Is The Train Robbers, or, A Story of the James Boys by R.W. Stevens.
I mean, many's the night I stayed up...
...with my eyes open and my mouth open...
...just reading about your escapades in the Wide Awake Library.
They're all lies, you know.
Yeah, of course they are.
You don't have to keep smoking that if it's making you bungey.
Alexander Franklin James would be in Baltimore...
...when he would read of the assassination of Jesse James.
He had spurned his younger brother for being peculiar and temperamental.
But once he perceived that he would never see Jesse again...
...Frank would be wrought-up, perplexed, despondent.
My brother and me are hardly on speaking terms these days.
Well, I wasn't gonna mention it.
Are you scared?
No, I'm just surprised a little.
They ain't as succulent as I like, the devil to clean...
...but if a man skins them and fries them in garlic and oil...
...mercy, them's good eating.
Well, I never been that hungry.
I give them names.
Such as?
Such as enemies.
I give them names of enemies.
Go tell Wood and Charley to get their gatherings together.
All right.
Me too?
You can stay.
All right.
Hey.
- What do you want, peckerwood? - Nothing.
Except to say Jesse wants you two to gather your parts...
...get on your horses and get out of town.
And me to stick around.
Well, whoa, I'm his cousin...
...I'll have you know.
My mama's his daddy's sister.
Is that how they described it to you, Wood?
You better watch your tongue, young sapling.
Why is it me who's gotta rattle his hocks out of town and not you, Bunny?
Put your horns away. If I know Jess...
...there's some real nasty sad-suzie work's gotta be done...
...and Bob's the ninny that has to do it.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's it, Charley.
You only met him 12 hours ago. He doesn't even know your name.
Wood! You tell your daddy I'll be in Kentucky in October.
We can hunt some birds together.
All right.
So how come it's Bob who gets to stay?
Bob's gonna move my gear to a house down the street.
See?
- I don't mind. - Yeah, well.
Sounds like an adventure.
They moved to 1017 Troost Avenue at night...
...so that the neighborhood couldn't get a good look at them or their belongings.
Then Bob thought Jesse would give him eight hours' sleep...
...and a daydreaming goodbye.
But with a second day in the Thomas Howard house...
...Bob thought he might never go...
...but might be brought in as a good-natured cousin to the boy...
...and a gentleman helper to Zee.
He went everywhere with Jesse.
They made trips to the Topeka Exchange Saloon...
...where Jesse could spend nearly 60 minutes sipping one glass of beer...
...and still complain about feeling tipsy.
Bob would rarely vouchsafe his opinions as they talked.
If spoken to, he would fidget and grin.
If Jesse palavered with another person, Bob secretaried their dialogue...
...getting each inflection, reading every gesture and tic...
...as if he wanted to compose a biography of the outlaw...
...or as if he were preparing an impersonation.
Go away.
Used to be couldn't no one sneak up on Jesse James.
Now you think otherwise?
I ain't never seen you without your guns, neither.
I can't figure it out.
Do you wanna be like me...
...or do you wanna be me?
I'm just making fun, is all.
Bob was sent away cordially the next day...
...with a goodbye from Jesse...
...but nothing from Zee beyond what good manners demanded.
It was 40 miles to his sister's farm from Kansas City.
And it was well into the afternoon by the time he arrived there.
Mrs. Martha Bolton rented the Harbison farm in 1879...
...just after becoming a widow.
And she made a good income by giving rooms and meals...
...to her brothers Charley, Wilbur and Bob, and to members of the James Gang...
...who would appear whenever they needed seclusion.
Dick! You're gonna make her sick!
She's gonna upchuck if you don't watch out!
Wood Hite had been spurned by Martha in his affections...
...and his attempt to switch his pursuit to her daughter...
...was being thwarted by Dick Liddil.
Wait a second, you assured me that you were not ticklish.
Howdy!
What's going on, now? What's going on...?
- Howdy! - Were you fibbing about that?
- No. - Not at all.
You're not supposed to peek, Dick.
Well, you're just so pretty I can't help myself.
- You need to be warning him about that. - Howdy.
Worry about the field instead, might be able to worry about the work...
Howdy!
- Finally home. - I'm so glad, Bob.
I'm in that room too, Bob. Don't mess with my things.
All right, Grandpa.
"July 9th. Diligence, tact, and a keen sense of responsibility...
...capacity for detail are your dominant traits. Your sense of duty's strong."
How long you been there?
Just now arrived. Did I miss much?
Not unless you never seen a man wash his dirty carcass before.
Boy, you got a big old pecker for being such a little squirrel.
That what you come here to see, Dick?
No.
Your brother said that Jesse kept you in Kansas City some extra days.
What was the reason?
Well, I'm not at liberty to say exactly.
Let me ask you this. Did Jesse mention that me and Cummins were in cahoots?
Is that so?
Oh, dear. I went on and said too much, have I?
Well, who else is partners with you two?
See, he'll cut our throats if he finds out. You don't know him like I do.
You do Jesse dirt, you connive behind his back...
...boy, he'll come after you with a cleaver.
So, what are you two cahoots cooking up?
Don't know that I should say.
I'm not gonna wheedle the dang news from you.
How about we'll leave it a mystery...
...and then we won't neither one of us regret our little chat?
Can you hand me that six-gun there, Bob?
If you so much as mention my name to Jesse...
...boy, I'll find out about it.
You had better believe that.
And I'll look you up.
I'll knock on your door, and I will be as mad as a hornet.
I will be hot.
You be careful with that iron, Dick.
You know where I stand on these matters and that's all there is to it.
Me and you can be as friendly as pigs from now on.
I'm Bunny Ford, stick your hands up in the air!
Mister.
Oh, you have some nerve.
We were just reading about the James boys among the Mexicans.
What's this? This ain't Jesse.
- You don't know that. - He would've never wore no mustache.
Never was anywheres near a cannon.
Let me see that picture.
Boy, I can't even calculate what I'm looking at.
- Give me that. - Ever since he was a child...
...Bob's collected whatsoever he could find about the James brothers.
Yeah, got himself a little museum in his room.
Next time you come snooping around, you better strap on a shooting iron!
Well, you can see how scared I am.
You too, Wood Hite. Cross me again, I'll put a bullet through your head!
Boy, you...
Son, you better recollect who my cousin is...
...because you've seemed to misremembered that Jesse loves me like the Good Book.
Now, you may play it like you're a dangerous person in the grocery store...
...but don't misremember who you be accounting to...
...if I so much get my feelings hurt. - I don't care!
Do I have to yell "suwee"?
Why don't we make up, be pleasant for once?
Why don't we pass the evening like pleasant human beings?
I like your nickel suit, cowboy.
You see something?
Just a bird.
The month of October came...
...and Jesse began seeing Pinkerton operatives in every floor walker...
...street sweeper, and common man poking about in a store.
On the morning of the 11 th, he would wake his wife...
...with the Scripture pertaining to the Holy Family's flight into Egypt.
Overnight, the Thomas Howard clan vanished from Kansas City.
Shortly thereafter, four of the Blue Cut train robbers...
...were arrested in shacks near Glendale.
How Jesse could have known remains a mystery.
Theirs was a wandering existence.
Men who choose to be outlaws...
...cannot afford to remain in one place for very long.
- Well, goodness. Maybe I'll change my mind. - Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
- Martha. - Buck up, man.
Wood and Dick would bicker across the entire state of Kentucky...
...until they made Russellville, home of Major George Hite, Wood's father...
...and uncle to Frank and Jesse James.
You stay away from this one.
She's my daddy's wife.
You got it?
Did you cook this, ma'am?
I've got a nigger woman.
How's that?
Dick asked if I cooked this.
Did you?
No.
She knew what he was like when she married him.
I guess we're the night owls, you and I.
I'm glad.
How come?
You're interesting to look at.
You have a real pleasant disposition.
And I don't know, you sort of make me feel warm all over.
You know, I'm what they call a... An inamorato.
Well, I knew there had to be a name for it.
You and the Hites don't get along too well...
...if I'm to trust Wood and his version of the situation.
We hate each other like poison, if you wanna know the truth.
Most of the Hites wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire.
They say that when a woman's on fire...
...you're supposed to roll her around on the ground and cover her with your body.
Well, you are a naughty tease.
Isn't it about bedtime?
Well, I'll just kiss those dainty nubbins.
Good night.
Would you stop?
Boy, I believe I drank too much coffee.
I gotta go visit the privy something terrible.
This is embarrassing.
Now, you go ahead and do your duty. I don't mind.
I've sort of got stage fright with a strange man in the commode with me.
I ain't strange.
I'm built just like the rest of them.
You look awful pretty.
Do I?
I haven't never in my life seen such well-shaped limbs.
Is Wood awake?
It's just me.
And I bet you thought I was a lady.
Well, you ain't much of a housekeeper, are you?
You didn't just happen by.
Why not?
Go on and take a load off your feet.
You ought to get yourself a wife.
Yeah.
I suppose.
I was gonna ask Martha. Charley's sister.
I was gonna ask her if she could imagine it.
But I guess Wood has plans of his own.
And there's always Dick Liddil getting in the way.
I'll give it some thought, though.
Your crops come in?
No, I don't got much. Just a garden patch and a pasture.
I was sick at planting time.
So...
Ed, how you feeling now?
Why?
You're acting queer.
Well, you and me ain't been just real good friends lately.
That's not your fault, you understand that.
You hear talk, though.
Talk?
People tell you things.
Why don't you give me an example?
Jim Cummins come by here.
Jim Cummins.
Oh, and Jim says:
"You know them boys that got caught in the Blue Cut deal?"
Well, Jim says he got word...
...that you're planning to kill them.
Why would I do that?
That's just talk probably.
Jim Cummins. He say anything else?
Nope. No, that was it, basically.
That still don't explain why you're scared.
Well, I'm in the same situation, you see.
I was terrified I saw you ride up.
- I just happened by, Ed. - Suppose you heard gossip, though.
Suppose you heard Jim Cummins come by, you might have thought...
...that we were planning to capture you or get that reward, and that ain't true.
But you might have suspected it.
Haven't heard a lick of gossip lately.
I got 600 dollars stashed away. I don't need no governor's reward.
Well, it's the principle too.
Well...
- I'm glad I stopped by. - Oh, me too.
What do you say if we were to go for a ride?
We can go into town. I'll buy you dinner.
Then I'll be on my way.
Okay.
You ready to go for a ride?
We going to your place?
You seen Ed Miller lately?
Nobody has.
Must have gone off to California.
I'd still like to know where we're going.
If you were going to see Jim Cummins, wouldn't you follow this road?
I guess so.
Howdy.
Oh, are you friends of my pa's?
We're friends of Jim Cummins.
Well, it so happens he's been gone since August.
And never said where he gone to.
- I'm Matt Collins. - Albert Ford.
Very happy to meet you.
- Dick Turpin. - Pleased to make your acquaintance.
I don't know where he is! Leave me alone!
Shut your mouth! You shut your mouth!
- You shut your mouth. - I don't know where he is!
- I don't know! - Get in there.
Shut up.
- I don't know where he is! - Shut up.
- I don't know! - Shut up.
- Jesus. - Shut up.
Jesse, he's just a kid.
He knows where his uncle Jim is and that's gonna make him old soon enough.
- Maybe he doesn't know. - He knows!
You need to ask and ask sometimes.
Sometimes a child don't remember so much at first. But it'll come back to him.
My goodness, she's about to rip off, sweetie.
Just a little more here to get her started.
Then I think I can rip her off like a page from a book.
Jesus, he can't even talk.
Where's Jim?
Where's Jim? Where's Jim?
Where's Jim? Where's Jim? Where's Jim?
- Where's Jim? - Quit it!
You bastard! I don't know where he is!
You won't believe me! You never even gave me a chance!
You kept my... You kept my mouth shut!
I never know where Jim is or when he comes! So leave me alone.
Get off me, you son of a bitch!
I'm worn out.
I can't. No, see...
My mind's all tangled anyway.
Little deals like this just make me feel dirty.
Are you all right, Jesse?
Jesse was sick...
...with rheums, and aches and lung congestions.
Insomnia stained his eye sockets like soot.
He read auguries in the snarled intestines of chickens...
...or the blow of cat hair released to the wind.
And the omens promised bad luck, which moated and dungeoned him.
How come it's you that's gotta do all the chores?
Charley and Bob pay extry to Martha so that they don't have to.
It still don't seem fair.
Martha.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
You come from Kentucky?
Why do you have your head in a hole, Martha?
Wood and Dick had a shooting scrape a few months ago.
Cover the kettle, Ida.
And what did you and Dick get in a scrape about?
Well, he tampered with my daddy's wife...
...while a pork chop burned on the skillet...
...so I shot at him.
Ida! Do not stick your thumb in the cream when you skim it.
His chicanery and his philandering ways...
...has instigated such malice.
He's a yellow snake in the grass and he can't be trusted, Martha.
Dick told me a complete other version of that affray.
Wood Hite's downstairs.
You mean he's here?
Yeah, he come in late last night.
Hey, simmer down!
Don't get into a fracas up there, you boys! I've got breakfast almost ready.
He's still sucking air.
But I think he's a goner.
Maybe y'all better come wish him well on his journey.
Wood?
You were a good fellow, Wood.
Oh, I sure hope you're not in frightful pain, Wood.
I'd get you something to drink, but I'm afraid you'd just choke on it.
Little Ida's gonna miss you.
So is the rest of the family.
Well, one thing's settled. Can't take him into Richmond.
Why not?
Well, one, sheriff'll put Bob in jail.
And two, Jesse'll find out his cousin Wood's been shot in our house...
...and then that'll be the end of each and every one of us.
"And in one merciless, violent thrust broke in...
...and carried all before him, and scented and brewed...
...reeking with blood of my virginity...
...up to its utmost length in my body."
He ain't disappeared, if that's what you were hoping.
What chapter you on?
She's met some Algerian corsair down at Gibraltar.
Got herself all agitated.
How's that leg?
Full of torment, Bob. Thanks for asking.
Blessed are the poor in spirit...
...for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are them that mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the...
Meek.
Blessed are the meek.
- Is it him? - Yeah.
Why is he here? Does he know about Wood, do you think?
I don't know. All I know is he don't miss very much.
- What should I say about you if he asks? - Tell him I'm in K.C. with Mattie.
He was buffalo hunting. He was thrilled to meet yours truly.
Yeah, over there in Europe there's only two Americans they know for certain...
...Mark Twain and Jesse James.
- Why, it's the kid. - How's everything?
- I never take off my gun belts. - Yeah?
Good thinking.
Well, Charley, did you hurt your leg?
Yeah, I slipped... I slipped off the roof...
...and I smacked down into a snow bank like a ton of stupidness.
One second I'm screaming, "Whoa, Nelly!"
Next second, poof, I'm neck-deep in snow.
Well, whatever possessed you to climb a roof in December?
There was a k... A kite. What am I saying? There was a cat.
A cat. It was on the roof and I went after him.